WIshing you all a happy Valentine's Day

- I must have had coffee too late in the day yesterday because
despite my best attempts tonight, I have gotten little sleep -

There is so much debate about what Valentine's Day means and what people can expect on the day or from the event. Many girls (and increasingly, guys as well) are 'programmed' from young to think that it is a day when they should be pampered, showered with gifts and roses, chocolates and jewellery, as a sign of affection. I too, harboured some of these fantasies. And fantasies they were, as year after year passed and I watched from the sidelines as my friends received all sorts of gifts from boyfriends or admirers.

I say 'some of these fantasies' because I didn't consider myself a girly girl. I admit that I wouldn't know what to do with flowers if someone had given them to me, and goodness knows I feed myself enough chocolates without any assistance. I certainly never expected to be showered with presents, nor did I really feel the need to. Then again, it would have been nice if I had been, for once, the recipient of some of the attention.

Fast forward about 10 years. While I have come to, in a way, accept that retailers and restaurants play up V-Day as a way of adding to their bottom lines, I am also trying to find some reconciliation as to what V-Day does and should mean - a middle ground, if you will, between being spoilt rotten on the one hand and doing nothing at all on the other.

One of the main gripes that men seem to have about V-Day is that they may be allowed to start off simple, but the expectations on them increase over the years the longer they stay in the relationship. Their girlfriends would expect this year's gift(s) to be bigger, better, and more expensive than the previous year's. The other problem, men find, is that they are often expected to be the ones splashing out on their partners or dates.

If some couples choose to spend a lot of money on it, that is their choice. Personally, I don't expect expensive and/or plentiful gifts. But I'd like to not have to pretend that it's not the 14th of February everytime it comes around. Because for better or for worse, I was born a girl, and despite the usually tough and tomboyish exterior, I do have a soft spot. One, I think, that is bigger than I care to admit :)

When you cut out all the fluff (the 'sideshows') that tells us we have to spend a lot of money, what you'll find you're left with is a day to celebrate your love. I believe that that is the core idea of V-Day. As such, a well thought-out gift, no matter how small, would be far more meaningful than the multiple gifts bought for the sake of buying gifts. Treat yourselves and your relationship to dinner at the fancy restaurant you've always wanted to try and if you must be equals, go Dutch. Alternatively, have one person arrange V-Day plans one year and the other person can make plans (and foot the resultant costs) the following year. This way, there is still an element of surprise to it for the other person.

And while we're at it, why limit your show of love to your partners? Show your friends and family too! A text message or email to let them know you are thinking of them, or a hug for those a little closer (literally and figuratively speaking).

Because at the end of the day, we all just want to feel appreciated and loved.