Do dreams come true?

This has been a huge week for me, and one that is really a test of how well I know myself - my limits, my dreams and hopes, and to a certain extent, my friendships.

I was to start a secondment this week to another department within my firm. I'd been waiting a month for this, and was really looking forward to it, but on Sunday, I braced myself for a busy first couple of days, because the administrative matters of the secondment had not yet been cleared. And I was right - quite apart from not having any work, I was running all over the office trying to hurry things along to get what some dub as our 'other half' - a firm-issue laptop!

Also, the breath of fresh air that I was hoping to experience during the secondment was short-lived. I have been assigned to a team that has been on a long-running job and everyone is tired of it, so the vibe within the group is not quite as upbeat as I had expected.

Personally, in light of the current global market, and my previous position, I'm quite happy:
1. to be working in a team - when I don't have work, it usually means that the others don't have work either, so we can enjoy the downtime (if any) together
2. to have work to do - because when you've experienced a job in which you sit around for many hours with nothing to do, you'll learn to appreciate doing some -any! - work
3. to have a job at all - because a lot of people around the world are losing theirs every minute.

So it annoys me when people treat their job as something that is such a pain in the posterior and they absolutely hate it and they tell you every half hour. Most people work because they have to. But if you really feel like everyone is wasting your time by your being in this place or this job, then it's best to leave rather than affect everyone else with the negative attitude.

When you think about it, everyone has goals in their lives. Conventionally, that would include having a job/business, spouse, kids, a home, car, the list could go on. Of course, it's preferable that you actually like what you have of the above, but bottom line, it used to be that whether or not you liked it, you would strive to achieve it. Not so much, these days. These days, people insist on going places they want to go to, having a job that they love, marrying someone they love, etc etc etc. All this is supposed to equate to happiness. I can relate to a lot of the items in this list. But the fact of the matter is, I cannot say that I have any one of the elements in that equation. That's why I requested a secondment. I was banking partly on the fact that with friends around me, work would be that much more enjoyable. Little did I know that it is one of those friends who is making it ever more difficult for me to smile at work everyday. She has one part of that equation and I never thought she'd be the 'toxic' type of friend. But I hold out hope that it will get better. It has to. Or else I may as well throw in the towel now and fight for something else (which I shall get to in a bit).

When you also have a manager who tends to ignore you during conversations with 2 of your friends, who sit on either side of you at work, it seems pretty rude and unprofessional. If you are going to be friendly, at least attempt to be friendly to everyone and not just the one you've picked as your favourite. It's beyond glaringly obvious, and so very very high school. Oops, I forgot: you never left.

So, back to the point about goals, dreams, and hope and what I could fight for.

Anyone who knows me knows my love of (obsession with) sport. I will play (almost) anything and everything (netball being a strong exception), and have a notorious competitive streak. Someone said to me about a couple of months ago: "you have great passion for football; dangerously so". Both parts of that sentence are true. I do love the game - love watching, love playing (futsal, that is) - and I take it to further extremes than other people do. How else would you explain some of the stupid things I do, like offering to be the keeper whilst playing with guys, almost executing a full split or putting myself right in the line of fire to stop shots on goal, to name a few.

I think I took the next step towards being classified as insane when I accepted a last-minute invitation to tryout for a women's futsal team under the Selangor Devt Corp, despite the fact that my knee and ankle were not 100%. I have been laying off futsal for the most part of the past month in the hopes that I would rest the knee, ankle and heel enough that whatever was niggling them would dissipate. Yet, I made the snap decision, half and hour before tryouts were due to start, to go - for the fun and experience. I had never been to a futsal selection, and was curious: how would they choose? how would I stack up against other players? I know that there are much stronger players out there than I, so I never thought I actually stood a chance of making it onto the team. But I did. And that is causing a new round of questions and problems.

You see, I have always wanted to play sport at a higher level. Social games are fun, but I am competitive. I loved playing in a league in Melbourne, and miss that a lot. And I've always said that I would love to be paid to play sport. I say it in jest, but as the phrase goes: "many a true word is spoken in jest". In this team, they are offering a basic salary (not much, but the extra cash would certainly come in extremely handy!), an allowance and fee for games, training kit, match kits, and footwear - futsal and jogging shoes. The contract would be for 5 months. As good as it would be to be paid, the experience of the competition, and the rapport with teammates would be fantastic. Just to have a taste of it would be a dream come true for me. And I'm close (pending a fitness and medical assessment), and yet I may not even be able to accept it. They require full commitment, but so does my job and my firm. One of the clauses of my professional employment is that I would channel my energies to the firm and my work. I doubt they would view my application for 2 days' leave each month favourably.

At 25, you never dream that such an opportunity would present itself, but now that it has, now what? I don't think attending trainings is the major issue. The biggest issue would be the odd day or two that I'd have to take off from work, to travel interstate for away games. Again, the situation is additionally complicated due to the fact that I am on a secondment. It would be extremely odd to have so many days off in 3 months. If I assume that I'd take 2 days off per month in November and December for futsal, 3 days off for a holiday that I've already booked (so also won't be able to attend training for 3-4 days), THEN there's a day off this month for Diwali, and in December there are public holidays for Hari Raya Haji and Christmas, that does not leave me many days to do real work and make my mark, if I should wish to continue working in this new department.

I don't know how many people get to live their dreams, or at least get a taste of it, but I'd love to be one the lucky ones. If I have nothing else, if I don't get to achieve any of the other elements in the equation, I'd like to have and experience this. I think it's a manageable situation, but because work is so unpredictable at the moment, I cannot commit to a contract with the club only to renege on it later. So what's a girl to do? And why do the good opportunities always present themselves at the same time, and force you to make a decision - to choose just one? And at other times, you are stuck in one place, one situation, with no alternatives and no way out?

Uplifted for the moment

I was feeling slightly down today and missing Melbourne a great deal. I was all ready to delve into a serious discussion on this blog about a few topics. But then I decided to pick up the newspaper at about 9 p.m. tonight. I know, the 'news' would not be 'news' anymore... But I'm so glad I did because I came across an article in the 'Metro' section: the part of the newspaper that tells you about the goings-on in the community. Not just any old article; it was an article on a new cafe/restaurant that has opened up in KL that serves the style of food that very fondly reminds me of Melbourne and the great times, meals and friends I had there.

To provide more of a context in which to understand my emotions:

I used to read food reviews almost religiously during my time in Melbourne. When I saw a place that sounded interesting (and was within budget), I would invite my friends out for a meal. More often than not, however, it would be a little hole-in-the-wall sort of cafe, serving breakfast/brunch/coffee/muffins. Also more often than not, because not many people I know are morning people, I ended up pestering poor Ben to go and dragging him out of bed on the weekend to satisfy my curiosity (and desire for coffee and muffin). Whatever time of the day it was, and no matter whom I was with, I always enjoyed these little outings - of course, great company and food make it all the more enjoyable!

During some downtime at work today, I was surfing the website for The Age newspaper, which is a Melbourne publication. Although I no longer live in Melbourne, whenever I get the chance, I will read The Age's website, just for some news on the place I called home for 5 and a half years. Specifically, the website (and the newspaper itself) have a weekly section called 'Epicure' which contains reports and updates on Melbourne's food scene, recipes, and restaurant and bar reviews, amongst other food-related articles. This was always one of the first resources that I turned to whenever I was planning an outing, or wanted to try out a new recipe.

Today, I came across this review on 2 new cafes around Melbourne: Penny Royal, in particular, is quite close to Ben's, and is a stone's throw from 2 or 3 other cafes in the area that I've been to and love. There was no way the reviewer would have known it, but his description of the cafe was heart-wrenching for me to read:

"Two armchairs in the front window advertise themselves as the perfect spot to hunker down with the paper and a succession of coffees on a sunny morning. Out the back there's a courtyard with benched tables and lots of greenery in raised beds."

Even if you have never been to any of the cafes in Melbourne that I rave about, how could you not fall in love with Penny Royal, just by reading this review??

Of course, it got me thinking (as it has so many times before) why it is that I cannot get food here like I do in Melbourne. Or if I do, it's not in a tiny cafe that is half-hidden by trees or at the end of a laneway and/or with a barely visible signboard and eclectic furniture that was probably 'rescued' from hard garbage collection or the Salvo store. And the prices would be way more expensive here than what I'm used to paying for in Melbourne.

Loooong story short, when I came across this article in the newspaper tonight (not sure how I missed it when I was surfing The Star Online this morning), I was more than thrilled. Italian-influenced Melbourne food and coffee in KL? Bring it on!! Roast belly of pork with caramelised apples, papardelle with lamb ragu certainly remind me of dinners at The Kent in North Carlton and a birthday dinner at The Boathouse in Moonee Ponds. Even the name of the restaurant - Providore - is part of the name of another Melbourne cafe that serves great food: Replete Providore in Hawthorn. My heart melts just thinking about it! And even though I vowed to get in shape for my 2 visits to the beach over the course of the next month, I will definitely be going to try out Providore very very soon!!

I could become a fan of the F1...

I spent the weekend in Singapore. I was there for the first F1 in Singapore, which was also the first F1 night race. The thought of going did not actually appeal to me, until about a fortnight ago, when a friend offered to sell his extra tickets at a discount. Fortunately, I have family in Singapore, so the exhorbitant price of accommodation (if there were any left!) at a time like this, and at such short notice, was not a concern. And so I decided that I would go, with my older brother and, as was settled a bit later, a friend of another friend.

It turned out to be a great weekend, with awesome awesome company (that's not a typo). Made a few new friends who are already planning a trip up to KL at the end of the year. More to look forward to in the next 2-3 months!!

On Saturday, I caught the AFL Grand Final match of Geelong v Hawthorn at Hog's Breath Cafe at Chijmes with Jeremy and Alistair, and was introduced to Garry and Anthony there. It was a close game, and it felt great to watch it with people who knew the game. Garry was the only one whose team was playing (Cats), the rest of us picked a team to barrack for during the game. In the end, the Cats' failure to convert their hard work into goals gave the Hawks (and more specifically, Shane Crawford) their long-awaited premiership. For lunch, I had a margarita lime mocktail, nachos and burger. Was so full.

After the game, Garry, Jeremy and I headed to the F1 track. We saw a little bit of the Porsche practice rounds, had dinner, then watched the F1 qualifying rounds. To be honest, the qualifying rounds were nothing too special, and it was fairly annoying to have other spectators walking past all the time, most stopping to take pictures and block the view of other spectators. And leaving the track with thousands of others was an experience most people would not have regretted missing out on. Granted, I think people were exceptionally irritable because it was, by then, half past 11. Hot + tired + sweaty + stinky + crowded rarely = good natured or happy people. :) It was so tempting to just not go the following night, because we were wondering if it was worth it.

But on the same time on Sunday night, having witnessed the race proper, I began to understand what the hype is about. Having had lunch with my brother, Garry, Jeremy, and 2 others that I met that day: Mabel and Ash, Garry and I decided to forgo the amateur races in favour of hanging out with the rest and only headed to the track at 6pm for the 8pm race. And the events of the night had the crowd on the edge of their seats. Nelson Piquet crashed his car on the straight near our seats, and that was the first of a series of unrelated events which culminated in Fernando Alonso winning the first ever F1 night race (coincidentally, I was wearing my Spain Euro 2008 jersey that night. I will probably continue supporting Alonso now...). Alonso had started 15th on the grid on Sunday after his car engine failed during qualifiers the previous night, and was extremely lucky that his pitting strategy suited the circumstances as the night unfolded. Nico Rosberg, who placed 3rd in the Australian leg in Melbourne earlier this year, improved his best standing to second when he finished behind Alonso in Singapore. Also a coincidence is the fact that this year's Australian GP is the first that I took enough of an interest in to watch a part of. At the end of the race, we got to walk along the track and snapped lots of photos of worn curbs, scrapped walls, and debris. Whoever thought that worn curbs and speed bumps could be so fascinating! We took our time leaving so that most of the crowd left before us.

All in all, if we were to go again next year, we would only get tickets for the final day. It was, to us, the most worth-it. It was an unforgettable experience, made more so by the fact that I got to meet great people. Oh, and Liverpool won, and Torres scored both goals!