It's been a long time since my last confession (post). So much has happened - the 'dream' I talked about in the last post didn't materialise, Ben's holiday over here came and went all too quickly, but my stupidity didn't. Up down up down watch out for that sharp bend! Welcome to my life, the best rollercoaster you will ever experience. Rollercoaster of emotions, that is.
Undecided, fickle, stubborn, dumb, call it what you may, it was a mistake. Curiosity kills that cat, it really does. I don't like cats. I don't like curiosity much these days, either.
A friend once said (and I paraphrase liberally) that you can't be satisfied with whatever you achieve in future if you're not content with what you have now. I'd like to believe it, and that's how I feel sometimes, but admittedly not all the time. And that's such a shame. I used to believe it whole-heartedly, but that has altered slightly because I've lived in a big city for a year.
It's hard not to get influenced by a new environment, even un- or subconsciously. The chances of it are less likely if you're very sure of yourself and who you are. I thought I was like that, but now I'm not so sure. I guess that means I was never really that sure or confident of who I was to begin with!
But then someone comes along to remind you who you were, what you wanted, how you felt. And you felt good, as you do now. And you remember why it is you wanted what you wanted, but it's too late. Spoken words cannot be taken back. And unspoken words will never be heard.
Do I sound as wacky as Britney Spears yet?
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