Do dreams come true?

This has been a huge week for me, and one that is really a test of how well I know myself - my limits, my dreams and hopes, and to a certain extent, my friendships.

I was to start a secondment this week to another department within my firm. I'd been waiting a month for this, and was really looking forward to it, but on Sunday, I braced myself for a busy first couple of days, because the administrative matters of the secondment had not yet been cleared. And I was right - quite apart from not having any work, I was running all over the office trying to hurry things along to get what some dub as our 'other half' - a firm-issue laptop!

Also, the breath of fresh air that I was hoping to experience during the secondment was short-lived. I have been assigned to a team that has been on a long-running job and everyone is tired of it, so the vibe within the group is not quite as upbeat as I had expected.

Personally, in light of the current global market, and my previous position, I'm quite happy:
1. to be working in a team - when I don't have work, it usually means that the others don't have work either, so we can enjoy the downtime (if any) together
2. to have work to do - because when you've experienced a job in which you sit around for many hours with nothing to do, you'll learn to appreciate doing some -any! - work
3. to have a job at all - because a lot of people around the world are losing theirs every minute.

So it annoys me when people treat their job as something that is such a pain in the posterior and they absolutely hate it and they tell you every half hour. Most people work because they have to. But if you really feel like everyone is wasting your time by your being in this place or this job, then it's best to leave rather than affect everyone else with the negative attitude.

When you think about it, everyone has goals in their lives. Conventionally, that would include having a job/business, spouse, kids, a home, car, the list could go on. Of course, it's preferable that you actually like what you have of the above, but bottom line, it used to be that whether or not you liked it, you would strive to achieve it. Not so much, these days. These days, people insist on going places they want to go to, having a job that they love, marrying someone they love, etc etc etc. All this is supposed to equate to happiness. I can relate to a lot of the items in this list. But the fact of the matter is, I cannot say that I have any one of the elements in that equation. That's why I requested a secondment. I was banking partly on the fact that with friends around me, work would be that much more enjoyable. Little did I know that it is one of those friends who is making it ever more difficult for me to smile at work everyday. She has one part of that equation and I never thought she'd be the 'toxic' type of friend. But I hold out hope that it will get better. It has to. Or else I may as well throw in the towel now and fight for something else (which I shall get to in a bit).

When you also have a manager who tends to ignore you during conversations with 2 of your friends, who sit on either side of you at work, it seems pretty rude and unprofessional. If you are going to be friendly, at least attempt to be friendly to everyone and not just the one you've picked as your favourite. It's beyond glaringly obvious, and so very very high school. Oops, I forgot: you never left.

So, back to the point about goals, dreams, and hope and what I could fight for.

Anyone who knows me knows my love of (obsession with) sport. I will play (almost) anything and everything (netball being a strong exception), and have a notorious competitive streak. Someone said to me about a couple of months ago: "you have great passion for football; dangerously so". Both parts of that sentence are true. I do love the game - love watching, love playing (futsal, that is) - and I take it to further extremes than other people do. How else would you explain some of the stupid things I do, like offering to be the keeper whilst playing with guys, almost executing a full split or putting myself right in the line of fire to stop shots on goal, to name a few.

I think I took the next step towards being classified as insane when I accepted a last-minute invitation to tryout for a women's futsal team under the Selangor Devt Corp, despite the fact that my knee and ankle were not 100%. I have been laying off futsal for the most part of the past month in the hopes that I would rest the knee, ankle and heel enough that whatever was niggling them would dissipate. Yet, I made the snap decision, half and hour before tryouts were due to start, to go - for the fun and experience. I had never been to a futsal selection, and was curious: how would they choose? how would I stack up against other players? I know that there are much stronger players out there than I, so I never thought I actually stood a chance of making it onto the team. But I did. And that is causing a new round of questions and problems.

You see, I have always wanted to play sport at a higher level. Social games are fun, but I am competitive. I loved playing in a league in Melbourne, and miss that a lot. And I've always said that I would love to be paid to play sport. I say it in jest, but as the phrase goes: "many a true word is spoken in jest". In this team, they are offering a basic salary (not much, but the extra cash would certainly come in extremely handy!), an allowance and fee for games, training kit, match kits, and footwear - futsal and jogging shoes. The contract would be for 5 months. As good as it would be to be paid, the experience of the competition, and the rapport with teammates would be fantastic. Just to have a taste of it would be a dream come true for me. And I'm close (pending a fitness and medical assessment), and yet I may not even be able to accept it. They require full commitment, but so does my job and my firm. One of the clauses of my professional employment is that I would channel my energies to the firm and my work. I doubt they would view my application for 2 days' leave each month favourably.

At 25, you never dream that such an opportunity would present itself, but now that it has, now what? I don't think attending trainings is the major issue. The biggest issue would be the odd day or two that I'd have to take off from work, to travel interstate for away games. Again, the situation is additionally complicated due to the fact that I am on a secondment. It would be extremely odd to have so many days off in 3 months. If I assume that I'd take 2 days off per month in November and December for futsal, 3 days off for a holiday that I've already booked (so also won't be able to attend training for 3-4 days), THEN there's a day off this month for Diwali, and in December there are public holidays for Hari Raya Haji and Christmas, that does not leave me many days to do real work and make my mark, if I should wish to continue working in this new department.

I don't know how many people get to live their dreams, or at least get a taste of it, but I'd love to be one the lucky ones. If I have nothing else, if I don't get to achieve any of the other elements in the equation, I'd like to have and experience this. I think it's a manageable situation, but because work is so unpredictable at the moment, I cannot commit to a contract with the club only to renege on it later. So what's a girl to do? And why do the good opportunities always present themselves at the same time, and force you to make a decision - to choose just one? And at other times, you are stuck in one place, one situation, with no alternatives and no way out?