Mirror, mirror, on the wall.

[I think the hardest part about these blogs is not the writing, but coming up with the titles. Half the time, they are the last thing I type in!]

Recently, I have begun dreaming of a world where we can speak and do nothing wrong. But that is not the world we live in.*

To a certain and limited extent, I am speaking in relation to a topic that has been around for a while. It affects not just women, but men as well, although they probably don't talk about it as much as women do. This topic is body issues.

From childhood, through our teens and adulthood, many comments are made about a person's appearance. These can sometimes be off-handed, possibly even well-meant, but unless they are positive comments, they are seldom helpful to a person's self-image and esteem.

In recent months, weeks, and indeed days, this topic has arisen in my day-to-day life that I am astonished at the frequency and appalled at the consequences: in one situation, friends have fallen out because one chided the other about putting on weight; in another, high school friends have refused to meet up with everyone else because they were so self-conscious about how they looked now. I can confidently say that we were more excited about catching up after a few years than to pick apart their appearances.

[I might know how they feel. I went through a period of massive weight gain when I first left home, and if that wasn't bad enough, was constantly teased and reminded of it, even by people whom I hardly knew and who I no longer have anything to do with. It was hard for me to shop in Malaysia, because the clothing (pants, especially) were just not cut for the girl with bigger hips and thighs in mind.]

We make so many comments in our daily life that we don't stop to think what it could be doing to this generation. Is it any wonder that so many have body issues and turn to anorexia, bulimia and any diet at all in search of a salvation? Why do we not say, 'that dress looks great on you/matches your eyes', 'you really know what suits you', 'you pull that look/outfit off so well' more, rather than 'you've put on weight' or 'you're too skinny'?

I know that to a certain extent, this is the result of old cultures. The Chinese think that if you're 'rounder', you show that you're prosperous. I have always maintained that a distinction should be made between being 'prosperous' and being unhealthy.

What is wrong, if a person eats what they want but does not gain weight, either through exercise, or they eat healthily, or because of their genetic make-up? Why should they be made to feel that it is wrong to look the way they do? What if they actually don't look good with a rounder face? One cannot assume that they look the way they do because they want to, nor that it is okay to criticise them without knowing their story. It is insulting and hurtful.

Of course, I do not profess to speak for everyone in this matter. I comment based on observation and personal experience. But I do think that as long as someone is happy with themselves and is healthy, they should be left well alone in this matter.

* In relation to my dream world, I shall discuss other 'realities' in time.